Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

What if Sarah Palin played Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin playing Tina Fey? My answer: The universe would collapse on itself with a quiet "We're mavericks, don'tcha know." But, apparently, the folks over at NBC and the McCain campaign aren't concerned with the very fabric of our existence, according to the Chicago Sun-Times:

Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on the campaign trail -- as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others -- including the governor herself -- think a return punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed.

My political beliefs aside, I'll admit it'd be a good show. Because if the debates taught us anything, it's that Sarah Palin is awesome at memorizing words she doesn't know the meaning of - like "vice-president." Hi-YO! I'll be in the Catskills all week, folks. Try the veal.

David Spade, who somehow dated Heather Locklear in 2006 (Damn his hobbit magic!), texted her shortly after her recent DUI arrest to lend his support, according to People:

"I think things get blown out a lot of proportion," said Spade. "She's always solid and always a great person. And I think people understand she's in a tough situation and she does her best."

That's nice. Because right after you get arrested for DUI you want to be reminded you dated David Spade. Jesus, while you're at it, you might as well call her fat then insult her cooking.

Kim Kardashian has knocked down rumors on her official blog that she's had plastic surgery by posting the above picture of herself. Can you guess how old she is? Try 14. Ha ha ha! You're going to jail. Here's the word from Kim:

I believe I have answered this question before but here I go again...
I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!
I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.
I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.
This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!
All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to believe it!
I have always had an insecurity with my nose... People also have assumed I have had a nose job, but I have not! I look exactly the same as I did when I was a kid, except my nose has grown a little. I hate the bump on the side of my nose, but am way too afraid to mess with my face!
If you are considering plastic surgery, please please please know you can never ever change it back and you will never be the same. That could be a very good thing or a very bad thing! Make sure you have thought long and hard and that the plastic surgeon is board certified and has an amazing track record!
Don’t ever take the cheaper way out! This is your body and ultimately your life!
Yours in truth,
Kim

Hmm, we've got a lot in common, Kim Kardashian. I've never had plastic surgery either. Turns out it's illegal to look "too sexy." No, really, if a doctor were to augment this chiseled face, he'd lose his license. But the government can't keep me down - which is why I bought an eye patch, ladies.

So this is what it feels like to see O.J. Simpson get convicted of something. The Juice and his accomplice Clarence "C.J." Stewart were both found guilty of robbery and kidnapping after they targeted a group of Las Vegas sports memorabilia collectors in Vegas. The AP reports:

Both Simpson, 61, and Stewart, 54, face mandatory minimum sentences of five years behind bars and could be sentenced to life in prison.
The star-athlete-turned-actor appeared somber and emotional as the verdict was read late on Friday night, and winced as he was handcuffed by marshals and led from the courtroom into a holding cell.

I think it's safe to say that, no matter what the charges were, O.J. Simpson was going to jail. Jaywalking? Life with no parole. DUI? The chair. Murdering Heidi Montag? ... Two to three years with time off for good behavior.

In an unexpected Friday surprise, I got a hold of some Beyonce Knowles bikini pics. I gotta admit though, they're a tad anticlimactic considering she usually errs on the side of smokin' hot. It's like unwrapping a Wii on Christmas morning, but inside the box is not Beyonce's butt. Curse you, Claus!

Hey, Republicans, these two are all yours! The new charitable Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt helped kick off the Taco Bell Reality Check Challenge yesterday which helps stop world hunger. When asked about the Vice Presidential Debate, Spencer endorsed his hackey mam of choice Sarah Palin, according to Hollyscoop:

"Well I got my six pack in the car I am a true American like Sarah so were good."

Perfect, you've got your sixer just like Suzie MooseShot. Now here's what to do if you truly are Spencer Pratt: Lover of Freedom: Down those suckers, pop Heidi in the passenger seat, then play a little game I like to call "How Many Trees Can I Knock Over With My Car Doing 80." Ready GO! NOTE: Video after the jump that should disqualify these jokers from any future charity events even if the cure for AIDS is oozing from their pores.