Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

Angelina Jolie might be pregnant – again. Pictures of a “substantial looking bump” have been cropping up fueling speculation. This would be child number… something. I lost count after they got that one kid from that country with all the tents. The Daily Mail reports:

“I’ve always wanted a big family. And Brad’s the same. We are enjoying the children together. They are such big personalities, and it’s so exciting to watch them grow up,” she said.
Use of a Pashmina shawl could be Jolie’s attempt at covering the bump in a bid to keep the news quiet. It wasn’t until the fourth month of her pregnancy with Shiloh that Jolie confirmed the rumours before giving birth in May last year.

So what night of the week does a child not pop out of Angelina’s vagina and Brad Pitt gets to have sex with her? Every third Tuesday? On the vernal equinox? C’mon. Billy Bob Thornton got to have crazy, kung fu sex with the blood vials and the biting and tattoos. Brad Pitt gets stuck playing “7th Heaven” but without Jessica Biel which is just pointless. He has to be kicking himself. You don’t see Jennifer Aniston scrambling to birth a litter. Okay, that’s not fair. She’s a dude. But you get my point.

Original post by Jagger

Hayden Panettiere went to a salon this morning. And now you’re seeing pictures of her. Seriously, no need to thank me. I do it for the children. After the mayhem Britney Spears caused, someone needs to step in. I don’t see Angelina Jolie putting up hot pics to ease the suffering. Goodwill ambassador, my ass. Fortunately people like me are around. Self-less, charitable people that nurse an unhealthy obsession with young prime-time stars. Yep, I’m just like Jesus. No, wait, not just like. Exactly like Jesus.

Original post by Jagger

Thought Angelina Jolie was different from every other celebrity because she goes around saving the world? Well she’s not. She bought her 2-year-old daughter Zahara a white Valentino purse identical to hers. Because, you know, 2-year-olds need purses. And not just any purses. Valentino purses. What, your 2-year-old daughter doesn’t have a designer handbag? Oh my God you’re a loser. Go get a job or something.

Original post by The Superficial - Because You’re Ugly

Paris Hilton told the U.K. edition of Elle magazine that she’s ready to have kids. I’ll let that sink in for a minute. Okay, for those of you who didn’t just jump out the window after staring the decline of civilization in the face, here are Paris thoughts on her new look on life, as reported by E! Online:

On what people think about her
“I wanna have like a family and a guy. Y’know, it just upsets me because I’m not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they’ve made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like that by some people, I just don’t get it.”

On how she’s prepping for pregnancy
“I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

On the potential sperm-donor
“I used to care about looks, but I’ve grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person, someone I know would be a good husband, loyal and funny and smart. And somebody I can trust, with good chemistry. But I don’t know, I like a guy who can make me laugh.”

Game over. It’s been a good run. I’ll see you all in a few years when we’re living in caves, battling each other with rocks for food. Somebody freeze Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. We’ll need their incessant lust for procreation to repopulate the planet. What a great start to my day. I start trolling the net for gossip and end up finding out the apocalypse is waiting to burst out of Paris Hilton’s uterus. You could tell me that air causes cancer, and I’d be like, that’s nothing; Paris Hilton wants to have kids.

Some more shots of Paris looking like she’d be an exemplary parent after the jump.

Original post by Jagger

Brad Pitt told a TV reporter in Italy that he and Angelina Jolie are ready for a fifth child. People reports:

“It’s the most fun I have ever had and also the biggest pain in the ass I have ever experienced,” he told reporters at the Venice Film Festival on Sunday. “(But) I love it and I can’t recommend it any more highly.” When asked by Italian state TV if he and partner Angelina Jolie were ready for a fifth child, Pitt replied: “Yeah, we’re ready.”

Brad says having all the kids around increases his productivity:

“It makes me much more efficient,” he says, “because that’s the main focus. It makes me feel when I do have time to work, I really do have to focus because there is a really short window to get something done. I am quite pleased by it all.”

Well, hey, that’s nice. Brad and Angie want a big family. I would say something smart here, but I’m afraid they’ll adopt me. Of course, that means I could feasibly talk Angelina into putting me on a strict, breast-fed diet. Interesting. I have an announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Smith is the direct cause of world hunger. That should do it. I can hear my new parents filling out the adoption papers now. Do you think if I ask nicely, Angelina will squeeze some breast-milk into my morning coffee? I never know what’s kosher with these Hollywood types.

Original post by Jagger

Angelina Jolie took her four children to a Children’s Petting Zoo in Central Park yesterday, and Shiloh made a rare appearance. Although being the daughter of Angelina Jolie it’s not really any surprise she has lips like that. What is surprising, though, is that I read somewhere she can store up to twenty acorns in those cheeks. That’s fact-tastic!

NOTE: When I say I read something somewhere, just assume I mean I had a delirious dream where everybody was human-sized chipmunks. But really, isn’t that basically the same thing?

One more shot of Angelina with Shiloh after the jump.

Original post by Jagger