Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

Angelina Jolie’s character in Beowulf apparently shows a little more skin than the actress expected. She didn’t expect to “come out as much” and was a “little shy” after seeing the final product, according to Fox News:

“I didn’t expect it to feel as real and so, especially because of the type of character I play, it was funny at first and then there were certain moments where I felt actually shy and called home and just explained the kind of fun movie I had done that was digital animation was, in fact, a little different than I think they were expecting.

While millions of fanboys are drooling over the chance to see a nude CGI Angelina Jolie, who got totally duped by Robert Zemeckis (nice one!), they are not alone. John Malkovich is stoked as well:

“It’s PG-13, so at least I’m told there are things and adult themes on the Internet that may push the envelope quite a bit further than a PG-13, but we’ll see; I haven’t seen it yet,” he told FOX at Monday’s star-studded premiere. “Of course, I’m excited to see Angelina on-screen … she’s …she’s talented.”

Way to not give off a creepy vibe, John Malkovich. There’s nothing your female costars love more than when you talk in freaking ellipsis while suggesting you want to see their… their… “talents.” No, no, that’s not creepy. Women love it. Oh, hey, you getting naked in this movie? Can’t wait to see it. With my eyes. Then remember it - forever. Yeah, chicks dig that. No, really. When they pepper spray you in the mouth, that’s their way of saying “Thanks.” Ha ha, dames. Such kidders.

Original post by Eddie

Angelina Jolie’s brother James Haven attended the premiere of Beowulf last night in Los Angeles. Honest to God, they should’ve gotten this guy to play the Joker because he has the freakiest goddamn face I have ever seen. Can you imagine what it’s like for Brad Pitt when this dude comes over for dinner?

[Scene: The Pitt-Jolie dining room table. Angelina is tending to the children, while Brad and James sit and eat.]

James: Brad, I bet your soul tastes delicious.

Brad: Huh? What did you just say?

James: Oh, nothing. Just the peas are delicious. Like your soul.

Brad: Did you just, no, did you just say my soul is delicious?

James: Angie, dear, this dinner is simply wonderful. Almost as good as that time we made love in a canoe.

Brad: Gets up. You motherfu–

James: Jumps to his feet. Oh, Lord, yes! Pretend I’m Edward Norton in Fight Club and I just bought a tea cozy from Ikea! Oooh, I’m a naughty, naughty consumer of goods. Punish me before I get a Discover card!

Brad: Shakes his head. Why do I agree to these dinners? The sex isn’t that good.

James: Maybe it’d be if you were related! Zing! God, aren’t I to die for? No, but, seriously, Brad let’s be friends. Now, take off your pants and give me a hug.

Original post by Eddie

Sometimes it’s nice to hear about celebrities doing something awesome. It gets kind of tiring hearing about the custody battles, drug addictions and whatnot. So here’s Angelina Jolie doing what I can only describe as some sort of miracle. Page Six reports:

Her emaciated stomach nearly ruined In Touch’s plans for this week’s cover: “Is Angelina Jolie pregnant?” To protect its story, the glossy bought exclusive rights to the shots of her taut torso “so no other weeklies could run them,” said an insider. In Touch claims Jolie gained 10 pounds in her chest, but conveniently cropped the photo above her flat stomach. “When Angelina showed up looking so skinny, they bought the photos,” our source said. The mag says, “The most striking area of Angelina’s weight gain is in her chest.”

How in the hell do you gain 10 pounds in your chest? That’s incredible. Seriously, Wonder Woman couldn’t even do that. No matter how many times I told her it would help me pay attention to her more. What? She tied me up with her Golden Lasso! That thing makes you tell the truth and, well, I like boobs. When a magical rope controls my speech, don’t be surprised if I say, “Hey, those could be a bigger.” That’s just cause and effect, baby.

Original post by Jagger

Angelina Jolie attended a conference on global education at the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting. I don’t even know what any of those words mean. I do know that Bill Clinton probably asked Angelina to provide some humanitarian relief – in his pants. That guy is smooth. But I’m smoother. I would’ve talked Angelina into removing the trade embargo between my man parts and her refugee camp. Get it? *nudge nudge* It’s political, see? Get it? Now that’s how you romance, Clinton. I hope you took notes.

Original post by Jagger

Paris Hilton is traveling to Rwanda to help bring aid to the troubled country. (Yes, that sentence really just happened.) She will make the trip in November in an effort to help families and children in need. Paris talked exclusively to E! Online about her plans:

On what prompted her trip:
“There’s so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help.”

On her increased interest in humanitarian causes:
“I want to visit more countries where poverty and children’s issues are a big concern. I know there’s a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues.”

On keeping the planet safe:
She will also be working on her new Beverly Hills home to make it more “green friendly.”
“I just bought the house and haven’t been able to work on it yet,” Hilton said. “But I intend to.”

It’s nice to see Paris Hilton acting like a somewhat informed, caring individual. That being said, if she goes all Angelina Jolie and starts popping out kids, I’m fleeing the Earth. Some naysayers think strapping dynamite to my car won’t enable it to travel through space. I’ll be the judge of that when I’m flying past the moon and you’re battling Paris’ offspring. I heard that instead of blood, they have herpes flowing through their veins. I just wrote that on the internet, so now it’s a fact. Feel free to quote me in your scientific journal.

Original post by Jagger

Okay, so a couple days ago, I might have suggested that Jennifer Aniston is a dude. I’d like to state for the record that I was drunk. But now I’m a different kind of drunk. Love-drunk. I would totally do things to her. Things that would make Jennifer Aniston so pregnant, she’d give birth to a small nation. Which Angelina Jolie would then adopt. That would be so hot. Oh man, imagine if Angelina gave all those kids ridiculous names. No, no, that’s just too hot. Don’t touch the screen! My words will burn you with their hotness.

Original post by Jagger