Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

"Does this make my butt look big?"

Miley Cyrus would be the perfect spokesperson for safe sex if LifeStyles condoms had their way. As a fan of neither product, I really don't have an opinion on the matter. Except I do and it's after the quote. What is this? Your first day? NY Daily News reports:

"Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to disuss the subject of sex," said Carol Carrozza, VP of marketing for LifeStyles. "With recent reports showing that one out of four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set - and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America."
A rep for Cyrus says the teen has not been approached with the company's offer yet, but that it is something her and her camp would never consider.

Perhaps LifeStyles should've done a better job during their marketing research. Miley Cyrus is part of the crowd that believes teaching kids about birth control makes the Baby Jesus cry. Of course, Lynne Spears' upcoming book will capture the beauty of this thought process more eloquently in "Chapter V: You're What Now?"

Amy Winehouse was hospitalized last night after she apparently had a "reaction" to medication she's taking as part of an anti-drug regimen. Amy had collapsed at her apartment and her dad Mitch called paramedics telling them "She's fucked up, she's fucked up." But, in defiance of all logic and reason, she's somehow doing fine and will be released tomorrow. The Sun reports:

An onlooker said worried Mitch told fans: “She’s just mixed up her medication.”
Later dad Mitch went to University College Hospital and took Amy some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Asked how she was, Mitch held up two bags of food and said: “This is how serious it is — I’m bringing her some KFC.”

For the record, Amy doesn't so much eat the chicken as she reinforces her beehive with the bones. Or at least tries to before giving up and smoking a crack pipe the size of a bus. Yet, somehow, God let's her keep living. I'm gonna go ahead and assume this has something to do with me touching myself at night. Not quite sure the punishment fits the crime, but whatever....

I'd traveled to all four corners of the Earth, and at last, I found her again. This would be our final battle. The killing blow to be delivered by the bazooka I won off an Army colonel in a game of Russian roulette. But, suddenly, there's a commotion. It's coming from- from- my pants? What manner of trickery is this? Arousal? How can this be? No no no NO! "Y'ALLLLLLLLLLLLL" She's spotted me. With my khaki tent fully pitched, I must flee - or must I? I find myself drawn to the creature. I step out of the brush and approach it. Instead of paralyzing fear, I feel strange emotions. Is this how it was meant to be? Two brutal enemies become star-crossed lovers. Yes, I can feel my heart warming as the anticipation of embrace grips me. It's at that moment I realize my folly. I had tucked a Snickers bar in my safari hat earlier that day. Well played, Beast. Well pla- "CRUNCH!"

Samantha Ronson is shooting down a rumor that she refused to play Ali Lohan's new single because it's a flaming turd. The rumor started in yesterday's Page Six, and Samantha decided to set the record straight by blogging about it on her MySpace page. But not before playing golf, slathering herself in whipped cream and fulfilling various other lesbian stereotypes:

i mean..... really?
ok- so i don't make reference to most of the crap said but every now and then my patience wears a little bit thin----
1- I really like the song- as soon as her myspace page goes up it will be a song of the day-
2- the only person who showed up with a cd for me to play was my lil step brother chris- he is in my top friends- i played his song coz i like it
3- where do they come up with this sh*t????
4- the most pathetic thing of all is that richard johnson is an old friend of my mother's and therefore could have easily fact checked this one..... however- it would seem that no one cares to do any of that anymore- in fact- i'm sure if i looked up the last 10 times my name appeared on that page i would find that none of it was true.
i wouldn't be responding to this one- but i'm afraid that people might actually believe that and that's not fair to Ali. She's 14 years old- high school is bad enough- do tabloids really need to torture teenagers as well?
well then- with that out of the way- I hope you are all well and check out the single on itunes- it's a great f***ing pop song!

Alright, I can understand Samantha Ronson pretending to love Ali's single. It's her girlfriend's little sister; I get it. Sam wants to stay flush with fire crotch. But "fact checking"? Now she's just making up words.

McG sang the praises of Christian Bale who he's currently directing in the upcoming film Terminator Salvation. Christian had some trouble in the press last week when he was arrested for allegedly assaulting his mother. But McG won't have any of this poppycock and delivered a ham-fisted defense of the actor at Comic-Con this weekend. Us Magazine reports:

"Christian sets an excellent example in that way," McG went on. "Just for the record, he is a big hearted, good guy. I've worked with a lot of people, and that's just simply who he is."
Added McG: "He loves his wife. He loves his child."

Other things Christian Bale loves according to McG: Baby Jesus. Kittens. Helping old ladies with their groceries. Christmas morning. Butterfly kisses. (Both the Bob Carlisle song and the actual act.) Meanwhile, Christian Bale just fired his publicist. He specifically asked for anybody other than McG to defend him in the press. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to track down Hitler's Ghost for a comment?