Madonna's publicist is claiming the pictures of Madonna looking like emaciated shit were doctored. She says Madonna was looking as radiant as ever just days before. And by radiant I mean a fucking mutant. People reports:
"I just think the photographer got a bad shot of her or it was touched up to make her look bad," says her rep Liz Rosenberg. "I saw Madonna two days before at her rehearsal and she looked amazing – glowing skin and working really hard on her show."Hmm, if Madonna's rep says she looked amazing just two days earlier, what the hell happened? I mean, besides the obvious which is Madonna died, and they're keeping her alive ala Weekend at Bernie's. Hey, it works for the Olsen twins...
Shia LaBeouf's crash on Sunday morning turned out to be not his fault despite being freaking loaded, according to the AP:
Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore says detectives have determined that the other driver apparently ran a red light, and will be also be cited.Now this is something I wouldn't want to know if I were Shia LaBeouf. I'd prefer learning a valuable lesson instead of finding out, "Hey, guess what, you're actually a decent drunk driver who just got nailed by some idiot." There's only way that'll end: Me filling my glove box with Jim Beam and Jell-O and starting an office car pool. Sure, everyone will complain I'm not wearing any pants, but have you seen those gas prices?
In case you guys are in a bubble, a major seismic event (a.k.a. a freaking 5.8. earthquake) was felt from Los Angeles to San Diego. CNN reports:
The quake's epicenter was about 2 miles southwest of Chino Hills and about 5 miles southeast of Diamond Bar, the USGS said. Chino Hills is about 30 miles east of downtown Los Angeles.No major injuries which means Heidi and Spencer are still alive. Dammit, God, you missed! I hear the phone lines are a mess, but from the sound of it, everyone's just a bit shaken up. Get it? I'm horribly inappropriate. But in all seriousness, The Superficial hopes everyone's doing alright and your loved ones are safe. (Unless you're related to Ashton Kutcher, then I rescind my prior statement.)
There were no immediate reports of injury or damage in Los Angeles, Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Brian Humphrey told The Associated Press. San Bernardino County fire dispatch did not have reports of damage, AP said.
Britney Spears is dropping a ton of coin to, scientifically speaking, tighten that ass up. She's spending roughly $22 grand a month on a personal trainer, nutritionist and dance choreographer. Britney was getting sick of the constant pregnancy rumors, so she decided to do something about it that, surprisingly, didn't involve flashing her vagina at a Whopper. Wow, she has changed. The Daily Mail reports:
She has also taken on some of Victoria Beckham's diet tips, eating plenty of steamed fish and snacking on edamame beans. Britney also endures intensive work-outs with Pussycat Dolls' personal trainer James Van Daff as well as three-hour dance classes six times a week.See? This is exactly what I tell women while I'm waiting in line at Starbucks. If you're serious about losing weight, just fork over $20 G's a month. It's that simple. Otherwise, you should probably let me have your whipped cream, or else your husband will sleep with his secretary. What can I say? I'm an inspiration. NOTE: Photos link to previous Britney bikini post that my penis is still trying to sort out.
The source added: 'Britney piled on a lot of weight earlier this year. She was so stressed about the custody case and her medication for her bipolar disorder also made her put on weight. She was tired of being flabby and wanted to do something about it.'
Now, says the insider: 'Britney is so proud of herself because her ab muscles are back. She's feeling better than she has in ages.'
Ryan Seacrest apparently was bitten by a shark on Sunday while at the beach in Mexico. It must've been a tiny shark because Ryan barely even noticed and found the tooth later in his leg, according to Page Six:
"He didn't know what it was for a minute - he thought it was a stick," said one spy. "He had no time to be scared. He saw it swim away, he got out, took aspirin and called it a day."Yeah? That's nothing. One time I got bit by a shark disguised as an alligator. Okay, maybe it was a mosquito, but in my mind it felt like an alligator who later revealed himself to be a shark, so that's what I'm telling people/chicks. Ball's in your court, Seacrest.
