Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

Britney Spears is "not yet fit" to participate in court hearings regarding her conservatorship. To bring everyone up to speed, after Brit's second trip to Crazytown Mental Ward, her father Jamie was placed in control of her estate and is actually doing a bang-up job. Britney's attorney Samuel Ingham spent 90 minutes yesterday talking to Commissioner Reva Goetz, according to the AP:

Ingham told the court afterward that Spears' medical condition is "fluid" because her treatment is changing.
Spears' probate case is scheduled to go to trial July 31, but Ingham said it could be "harmful" for her to participate. Goetz agreed and said Spears' diagnosis is not complete.

Just so I have this straight: Britney is unable to hear about her finances, but is allowed to have sex with her agent. Is Jamie Spears making sure her vagina stays open for the summer? If so, smart move what with it being vacation season and all. There's never a more bonding experience than packing up the fam in a camper and visiting our national parks and vaginas. God bless Jamie Spears.

Steven Tyler is claiming his recent stint in rehab was only to recover from foot surgery and not drug and/or alcohol related. Did I miss a memo about it being Celebrity Bullshit Excuses for Rehab Week? Jesus. Anyway, for those of you who actually care about Aerosmith, here's Steven's formal statement to People:

"The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time," Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. "The 'foot repair' pain was intense, greater than I'd anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There's a new album to record, then another tour."

Foot surgery? Give me a break. Why couldn't he just say it was depression? Oh, right, Kirsten Dunst used that... Why couldn't he just say it was foot surgery?

Coming in from so far out of left-field I thought it was a football is Sarah McLachlan in a bikini. I gotta admit I fostered a secret crush on Ms. McLachlan seen here vacationing in Maui. In college my computer was loaded with MP3's of her songs in case I ever tricked seduced a girl into my dorm room for some makin' out. Sadly, that dream never transpired. It would've been better than ice cream! See? I even remember the words. Now, what's it take for me to touch a boob? I'll even be romantic about it. (Read: Not yell "Yippee!" then immediately write in my online journal.)

Honest Injun, heeding your cries, I've been exercising a moratorium on Heidi and Spencer's horribly retarded candid (but really posed) shots. However, drastic times call for drastic measures. And I'd like to point you to the two drastic measures above. I'm going to step away from my keyboard now because I never type angry/aroused. *SMASH!* Shiiiit, I just knocked over my cubicle. Geekologist, are you alright? I was editing Heidi photos and- Hey! Eyes up here, bud. Nothing technological going on down there. That's simply nature. And, okay, plutonium.

Mariah Carey threw out the opening pitch at the Yomiuri Giants vs Rakuten Eagles match at the Tokyo Dome yesterday, and let's just say it was the most impressive display of baseball I've ever seen in my life. Lord knows why she became a singer and not a professional pitcher. Seriously though, you'd think she would've prepared a little before showing up. Most people would practice throwing balls, but not Mariah Carey. No, it's like she decided to break both her arms instead to make sure they wouldn't function correctly.

After making out on P. Diddy's boat, everyone knows the next step in a same-sex relationship is to introduce your families. But make sure the making out on Diddy's boat happens first. Otherwise you're doomed from the get-go. Fortunately, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson know how this crazy game called "Love" works. People reports:

The duo – who are "together," a source says in the new issue of PEOPLE – were spotted Wednesday afternoon lunching with Ronson's writer-mom, Ann Dexter-Jones and Lohan's sister Ali, 14, at the Italian restaurant Gino's on Manhattan's Upper East Side.
Throughout the meal, the group engaged in a spirited session of girl talk, the source adds.

I love how Ali walks around in these photos trying to cover her face with her hair, and it's not because of Lindsay. She's only 14 and has no clue what a frisb-ian is. Ali's just hoping no one recognizes her from her mom's show Living Lohan. So, who wants to tell Ali she has a better chance getting attacked by a real live leprechaun? And not just because Tom Cruise is in town. Hi-oh! I'll be here all week, folks.