Hollywood Scandals and Celebrity Gossip

Kate Bosworth knows how to tackle tough scenes - with gallons upon gallons of booze. As if chasing after my own heart, Kate talked to People about how she handled her love scene with Jim Sturgess in their new movie 21:

“We were both so drunk,” the Superman Returns star said. “Jim and I became such good friends, we decided to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it.”

Jim Sturgess doesn’t even remember doing the scene:

“We were on Grey Goose, I think,” said the British actor. “It was brilliant for about half and an hour. As we continued to drink … it just became sloppy and messy. I couldn’t stand up at one point.”

So, wait, getting shit-faced and falling over is technically considered acting? Damn, where’s my Oscar? I don’t remember anything since 2003. Hey, where’d this wedding band come from? And who this little kid by my desk? Somebody fetch my whiskey mug so I can sort this out. *sips* Much better. Now I can get back to what I do best: typing with my forehead. *bang bang bang* Britney’s vagina *bang bang bang* Holy crap, boobs!

And that’s the story of how The Superficial Writer does his job. The End.

Photos: Getty Images

Hulk Hogan was spotted last night in Hollywood with a young man-chinned woman with implants. Naturally, everyone thought it was Brooke. But it was the Hulkster’s date. Yikes! It’s an honest mistake really. I mean, If it looks like a duck and has fake tits like a duck, it’s probably a duck that looks like your daughter and you should seek therapy TODAY.

Photos: www.pacificcoastnewsonline.com

Paris Hilton was apparently asked to help judge the Miss Turkey contest yesterday. One of the contestants brought Paris onstage to do some belly dancing and it would’ve been entertaining if Paris didn’t try to pull off her club dance moves on a well-lit stage. Have you ever been to the bar sober and watched chicks dance? It’s literally that awkward. I’ve seen sexier moves from a paraplegic wombat.

Simona Fusco Stratten apparently decided to air off her boobs while vacationing in Hawaii. Clearly those things were burning up because, damn, I’m sorry Kim Kardashian lovers, but there is all kinds of things right with this woman. And not because Simona flashed her jubilees like the sea water is the antidote. Which pretty much makes her a shining beacon of inspiration. I mean, Jesus is sitting in heaven right now going “And, fuck, I just got served. Way to be, JC.”

Big thanks to Roy who saw boobs and knew to contact a real expert. Then eventually me when that guy didn’t get back to him.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Reflex, www.pacificcoastnewsonline.com

Janice Dickinson risked life and emaciated limb yesterday by venturing out into the daylight (Nosferatu’s natural enemy) to get a a manicure at a Bevery Hills nail spa. For those of you wondering what’s in Janice’s cleavage, it’s her cell phone. Where does the sexy end and the woman begin? Am I right? Back me up, fellas.

Photos: Splash News

Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman spent a quiet evening together shopping at Babies R Us last night. Judging by their outfits, they headed home for a night of some kinky role-playing. Christina is, obviously, a 1930’s paperboy who took too much estrogen. While Jordan is, I’m guessing, Frank Zappa’s mutant love child - who he fathered with a three-toed sloth named Cocoa. Married people are weird.

Photos: Flynet